Sorry not to get back to you sooner but tradition dictates that I communicate sporadically.
I, in all my wisdom, have learnt something about myself this year. It’s not a huge revelation. I have been aware of it for quite some time and have tried many and various ways to improve or ignore it.
I am not good at sticking to a self-imposed schedule. No matter how hard I try, it’s like my brain knows that it’s 'fake news' and therefore negotiable, and I’m not just talking sometimes negotiable, I’m talking ALL the time negotiable.
Take blogging for example. I have decided that blogging for me is like making a New Years Resolution. I start strong but fade after a few brave attempts. Or keeping a diary, I have so many half full diaries. They all make it to about May and then they fizzle. When I was younger I would promise myself that I would stay organised and go to bed early (actually I still do this - so it's not really age related). But, do you know what the worst part is? I feel guilty for not being better at keeping all my self made promises to me, and yes, I do understand that’s ridiculous.
I truly would like to be the best me I can and not waste my time deciding whether to work on my portfolio, hang out a load of laundry, sweep the floor, paint a cat, work on a Children’s Book Manuscript, make a quick check of Facebook, or Instagram (which we all know to be impossible because they create their own time vortex), or clean poop out of the bunny hutch.
I have tried making timetables, and ‘to-do’ lists, all with the best intentions but life just doesn’t fit into my well-organised, colour coded, sticky noted, highlighted, tick a box ideal. I can’t even blame other people for interrupting my ‘oh so important’ plans. I know this because when it comes to doing things for others I am very capable of delivering what they need within the time parameters they set.
I guess, what I am learning to accept about myself, is I am a muddler! I muddle through each day (with all life's ups and downs) and somehow most of what needs to be done, gets done. And if it’s an artwork or illustration it’s done to the best of my ability, because that’s what I’m good at. That’s the thing I love most in the world. I am also very good at procrastinating by keeping the company of books and buying stationery, to make my ‘intentions' as pretty as can be, while I stand in the pantry greedily devouring chocolate freckles. So to all my fellow muddlers - I salute you. Now, what can I tick off the list next? Oh, that's right. There really is a hutch that needs the poop removed.