Sorry not to get back to you sooner but tradition dictates that I communicate sporadically.
I, in all my wisdom, have learnt something about myself this year. It’s not a huge revelation. I have been aware of it for quite some time and have tried many and various ways to improve or ignore it.
I am not good at sticking to a self-imposed schedule. No matter how hard I try, it’s like my brain knows that it’s 'fake news' and therefore negotiable, and I’m not just talking sometimes negotiable, I’m talking ALL the time negotiable.
Take blogging for example. I have decided that blogging for me is like making a New Years Resolution. I start strong but fade after a few brave attempts. Or keeping a diary, I have so many half full diaries. They all make it to about May and then they fizzle. When I was younger I would promise myself that I would stay organised and go to bed early (actually I still do this - so it's not really age related). But, do you know what the worst part is? I feel guilty for not being better at keeping all my self made promises to me, and yes, I do understand that’s ridiculous.
I truly would like to be the best me I can and not waste my time deciding whether to work on my portfolio, hang out a load of laundry, sweep the floor, paint a cat, work on a Children’s Book Manuscript, make a quick check of Facebook, or Instagram (which we all know to be impossible because they create their own time vortex), or clean poop out of the bunny hutch.
I have tried making timetables, and ‘to-do’ lists, all with the best intentions but life just doesn’t fit into my well-organised, colour coded, sticky noted, highlighted, tick a box ideal. I can’t even blame other people for interrupting my ‘oh so important’ plans. I know this because when it comes to doing things for others I am very capable of delivering what they need within the time parameters they set.
I guess, what I am learning to accept about myself, is I am a muddler! I muddle through each day (with all life's ups and downs) and somehow most of what needs to be done, gets done. And if it’s an artwork or illustration it’s done to the best of my ability, because that’s what I’m good at. That’s the thing I love most in the world. I am also very good at procrastinating by keeping the company of books and buying stationery, to make my ‘intentions' as pretty as can be, while I stand in the pantry greedily devouring chocolate freckles. So to all my fellow muddlers - I salute you. Now, what can I tick off the list next? Oh, that's right. There really is a hutch that needs the poop removed.
My muddly heart is here too. XxReplyDelete
I'm quite sure my brain is the problem not my heart - lol. I'm sure I last saw it splashing about in a muddy puddle with the chickens in our backyard. My heart on the other hand is full of good intentions and is sitting with perfect posture at the front of the class disappointed when she doesn't receive gold stars for her intentions.Delete
I'm definitely a muddler too. The mess in my study reflects this. I have so many To Do lists, that I can never find the originals, so I keep writing up more. Pile upon pile. Sticky notes, calendar notes, desktop notes. I'm surprised I actually get around to drawing anything at all.ReplyDelete
Oh Amanda - I can't even think of words adequate to express my muddle of a reply. Suffice to say it's lovely to know there are others out there who are just as muddle headed as me. As for the piles of notes and to do lists well. . . the less said about them the better.Delete
High five Penny! I'm sure this resonates with heaps of peeps, and definitely me! <3ReplyDelete
High Five in return! Thanks Lisa. Maybe we are all wombats at heart.Delete
Love it. I think I may be a kindred spirit Penelope !ReplyDelete
My days when I work as a paediatric OT I can’t allow my “ muddled” side take over ... but at home , it’s muddle all the way!
Wow - huge admiration for your 'proper' job. I've found that when I'm at work (the thing people class as my 'real' job) I'm organised too. It's like my head can be clearer because there is nothing to distract it from the job at hand. There's no laundry to wash, toilets to clean, beds to make, my little studio calling me to paint, books pleading to be read, pets to play with. . .Delete
Great post and one that reasonates with me the older I get. I too love lists and diaries and journals. I try hard to stick at them but sometimes life makes its demands on me that take me away...I do get back to them eventually. It’s quite nomadic of me really. Guilts? Yep! And them some. But like you, if it’s for others then I’m their gal. Always manage to do what it takes. Everybody else gets the biggest chunk of me, but that’s okay. I don’t need much. 😉
I love the idea of a muddled up nomad Deb. Maybe we need to wander in order to get lost in the muddle and find our way home to ourselves all over again.Delete